Have you no shame

Have You No Shame

We've lost shame. (Shame, come back.)

I have read this so many times that it almost seems pointless to write it again: every generation commenting on how much harder they had it than the generation before them. However, there is something distinct to be said for the people who came of age after 1995 - perhaps even a few years later. These are the folks who have grown up fully immersed in computers, smartphones, the internet, and social media. I think this captures the shift.

We see easy access to information and the ability to cast a wide social net at the expense of authentic connection—the "right-brain to right-brain" resonance described by Allan Schore. We have transitioned from an "imaginary audience" to a very real, yet totally unreal, cyber-audience of constant judgment.

The cogent point is the tension between instant gratification and its essential bedfellow: delayed gratification. We can also call this impulse control—reactions versus responses. We are seeing a right-brain primacy over the whole brain, resulting in dangerously low distress tolerance.

With the cultivation of an “on-demand” society, these factors have critically compromised our ability to delay gratification and tolerate distress. Perhaps our greatest measure of wellness today is not achievement, but one’s ability to regulate emotions to achieve a consistent state of equanimity—mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper in a world designed to keep us dysregulated.